Looking for Lovin'
Mar. 27th, 2006 09:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morganskyeEdit: Entry deleted because I don't want to deal with freepay.com. It doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.
In other news, I had my happy balloon pop, then get repaired and partially re-inflated.
We went out to breakfast Sunday morning as we always do. The topic wandered its way to marriage and children, but not in the good way. I told him about my decision to get a fertility test. Mainly for my parents. I've had the lingering suspicion that I might not be able to have children (long story). My parently really want grandkids, but Barry doesn't want them. Peroid. I understand and respect that, which is why I want to get the test. If I am unable to 'preform', then I can break the news to my parents that way, instead of saying 'Not gonna happen anyway'. I think it's a little more gentle that way. There's also the age difference. I really won't be ready to have kids till I'm nearly 30 (if I can at all). By then Barry will be in his 40's. When the kiddie hits college we'll both be pushing retirement. I feel that's a little long in the tooth. Lots of history behind this that I won't get into, but I think you understand.
Of course with children comes marriage. Barry informed me he has absolutely no intention of marrying again. While I knew this, since he mentioned it early on in our relationship, it hit hard. It had been over a year since he last mentioned it. I had been hoping that his opinion had changed. Aparently not. I cried a little, but I was able to wait till I got to the car. As I said, it wasn't anything I didn't know before, but hearing it really threw me off. On the lighter side, he told me he loved me very much and that he truly cared for me. We both agreed that was the important part. He also said that he would buy me a promise ring if I wanted one. I told him I didn't need one at the moment. I'd rather get it when he really means it and not because I felt I had to have one. I know he loves me. He proves it daily. I guess I'm just being over-emotional. He also said that it doesn't mean that his opinion won't ever change, it's just the way it is right now. I also realized that he wouldn't want to marry whomever he was dating, even if it wasn't me. That helped since I knew it wasn't anything personal. His ex really screwed him up, so I told him again that I won't turn into the kind of girl who has a time-line. You know, 1 year and it's moving in, 2 years till engagement, marriage by 3 years. Yuck.
We were home for about an hour before everything was back to normal. We watched a few eps of Justice League and snuggled. It ended ok, and we know where we stand with things. Not totally the way I want it, but I have my man and he loves me, so it's ok. ^_^
In other news, I had my happy balloon pop, then get repaired and partially re-inflated.
We went out to breakfast Sunday morning as we always do. The topic wandered its way to marriage and children, but not in the good way. I told him about my decision to get a fertility test. Mainly for my parents. I've had the lingering suspicion that I might not be able to have children (long story). My parently really want grandkids, but Barry doesn't want them. Peroid. I understand and respect that, which is why I want to get the test. If I am unable to 'preform', then I can break the news to my parents that way, instead of saying 'Not gonna happen anyway'. I think it's a little more gentle that way. There's also the age difference. I really won't be ready to have kids till I'm nearly 30 (if I can at all). By then Barry will be in his 40's. When the kiddie hits college we'll both be pushing retirement. I feel that's a little long in the tooth. Lots of history behind this that I won't get into, but I think you understand.
Of course with children comes marriage. Barry informed me he has absolutely no intention of marrying again. While I knew this, since he mentioned it early on in our relationship, it hit hard. It had been over a year since he last mentioned it. I had been hoping that his opinion had changed. Aparently not. I cried a little, but I was able to wait till I got to the car. As I said, it wasn't anything I didn't know before, but hearing it really threw me off. On the lighter side, he told me he loved me very much and that he truly cared for me. We both agreed that was the important part. He also said that he would buy me a promise ring if I wanted one. I told him I didn't need one at the moment. I'd rather get it when he really means it and not because I felt I had to have one. I know he loves me. He proves it daily. I guess I'm just being over-emotional. He also said that it doesn't mean that his opinion won't ever change, it's just the way it is right now. I also realized that he wouldn't want to marry whomever he was dating, even if it wasn't me. That helped since I knew it wasn't anything personal. His ex really screwed him up, so I told him again that I won't turn into the kind of girl who has a time-line. You know, 1 year and it's moving in, 2 years till engagement, marriage by 3 years. Yuck.
We were home for about an hour before everything was back to normal. We watched a few eps of Justice League and snuggled. It ended ok, and we know where we stand with things. Not totally the way I want it, but I have my man and he loves me, so it's ok. ^_^
