Weird thought
I've been thinking about zombies. This is probably because I've been playing Vampire Bloodlines on Barry's computer while he plays Resident Evil (or some other zombie game). Oddworld counts too since they look like the undead. Anyway, I suddenly pictured a cheesy ad for a tracking device. It would take place after things got back to normal after a major attack, if normal is even possible. I couldn't think of a decent name for the thing, so if you can do better let me know. Think of the Oxyclean pitchman when you read this...
"When zombies take over it's like hell on earth. With everything you have to worry about you need to be reassured that your loved ones are safe no matter where they are. Now you can with the amazing Big Brother 3000! Here's how it works: *insert crappy computer graphic of the inside of a person's head* A small microchip is placed along the spine of your loved one. It monitors heart rate, blood pressure, and also gives their location within 5 feet! You'll always know if your life mate is alive or a flesh-eating freak. *changes to a handheld gizmo similar to a palm pilot* It's all shown here on the remote control display, free when you order in the next 20 minutes! *walks in front of a mannequin behind glass* And if it looks like they've been mangled alive by the living dead then you can send them off to a peaceful and quick end with a push of a button. *holds up the remote and presses a button. The mannequin's head blows up into itty bitty pieces* Never will you have to kill your partner or child face to face again! This is perfect for families and close friends. And don't forget Fido! BB3000 also works on most domestic pets. They're part of the family too. So remember, whether it's tracking people down in a major city, or saving them from unimaginable pain, the Big Brother 3000 is the perfect monitoring device. Supplies are limited so order today!!"
*fast disclaimer voice* BB3000 is intended for use during zombie attacks. It should not be used to stalk, seek revenge, or play practical jokes. Some users will experience side effects to chip implants including: sever itching, dry skin, infection, urge to eat flesh and kill those you love. BB3000 is not responsible for any actions caused by the use of this product. So nyah to you.
I'd buy it. ^_^
"When zombies take over it's like hell on earth. With everything you have to worry about you need to be reassured that your loved ones are safe no matter where they are. Now you can with the amazing Big Brother 3000! Here's how it works: *insert crappy computer graphic of the inside of a person's head* A small microchip is placed along the spine of your loved one. It monitors heart rate, blood pressure, and also gives their location within 5 feet! You'll always know if your life mate is alive or a flesh-eating freak. *changes to a handheld gizmo similar to a palm pilot* It's all shown here on the remote control display, free when you order in the next 20 minutes! *walks in front of a mannequin behind glass* And if it looks like they've been mangled alive by the living dead then you can send them off to a peaceful and quick end with a push of a button. *holds up the remote and presses a button. The mannequin's head blows up into itty bitty pieces* Never will you have to kill your partner or child face to face again! This is perfect for families and close friends. And don't forget Fido! BB3000 also works on most domestic pets. They're part of the family too. So remember, whether it's tracking people down in a major city, or saving them from unimaginable pain, the Big Brother 3000 is the perfect monitoring device. Supplies are limited so order today!!"
*fast disclaimer voice* BB3000 is intended for use during zombie attacks. It should not be used to stalk, seek revenge, or play practical jokes. Some users will experience side effects to chip implants including: sever itching, dry skin, infection, urge to eat flesh and kill those you love. BB3000 is not responsible for any actions caused by the use of this product. So nyah to you.
I'd buy it. ^_^